


God Loves A Military Man

by AmandaHuffleduck



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe, Amputation, British Military, Disfigurement, Falklands War, M/M, Nurse/Patient, Past Violence, Smoking, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 20:40:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaHuffleduck/pseuds/AmandaHuffleduck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>HP:AU Severus is a British Commando badly injured and disfigured in the 1982 Falklands conflict. Remus is one of his rehabilitation nurses. Guess what happens?</p>
<p>(Note: no medical ethics are breached but it's a near thing...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	God Loves A Military Man

**Author's Note:**

> My entry for the 2008 Fantasy Fest on the The Lupin/Snape Lurve Community. [http://feeds.insanejournal.com/lupinsnape_lj]
> 
> Prompt: "Non magical AU. S is an injured soldier coming back from war. R happens to be a male nurse on the hospital S is and treats him. S is embarrassed/aroused by some of the needed "handling" R has to do. H/C, smut, they don't know each other, happy ending."
> 
> I've been deliberately vague about Severus' service details.

_"The **Falklands War** … also called the **Falklands Conflict/Crisis** , was fought in 1982 between Argentina and the United Kingdom." _

_The war was triggered by the occupation of South Georgia by Argentina on 19 March 1982, followed by the occupation of the Falklands. [The] conflict ended when Argentina surrendered on 14 June 1982. War was not actually declared by either side._

_Britain was initially taken by surprise by the Argentine attack on the South Atlantic islands, despite repeated warnings by Royal Navy captain Nicholas Barker and others._  
 _After combat resulting in 258 British and 649 Argentine deaths, the British eventually prevailed and the islands remained under British control…"_

[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Falklands_War] 

It wasn't the first time he'd woken up in the dark with a dry throat and pounding heart, nor - he knew with an inevitability that felt like drowning - would it be the last. Christ, he hated these fucking nightmares…

Still fuzzy with the tail end of adrenalin Severus groped instinctively with his right hand for the small towel he'd taken to keeping nearby when he slept. He couldn't find the bloody thing but before he could get pissed off, or think about accusing someone of pinching his property, he remembered why he'd never be able to find the towel – or anything - with that hand again. 

He reached across his body to grip the stump where his arm ended shortly below his elbow. Gritting his teeth he dug his fingers viciously into spasming muscles that always ached worse after a nightmare. Severus closed his eyes and forced himself to relax and breathe: _in…out... in…out... in…out…_

"All right there, mate?" 

The husky voice was pitched low so as not to disturb the other patients in the ward. Severus allowed the voice to wash over him while hating himself for revelling secretly in the warmth. It was such a cliché to fall in love with your nurse.

"What time is it?" Severus opened his eyes but deliberately didn't look at the broad-shouldered man silhouetted in the corridor's dim night lighting.  
"Almost three. D'you want something to help you sleep?"

There'd been a time he'd embraced the sedatives and welcomed chemical oblivion before realising it didn't actually keep the demons at bay. Added to which the drugs left him with a distasteful metallic feel to his thoughts, so... 

"No."  
"Drink? Cup of tea?" He could hear the nurse smiling.  
"Tea. Please."  
"I'm about to go on a break. Meet you in the telly room?"  
"All right." Severus shrugged, as if this invitation wasn't the highlight of his day.  
"See you in a bit." There was the briefest, glancing of touches to his upper arm then the nurse was padding away with barely a sound from his soft-soled shoes. 

With his mouth screwed up in determination Severus managed to get himself out of bed and into his hideous, tartan dressing gown without waking the others. He fumbled his feet into slippers – another type of tartan, and really, who'd proclaimed that the only pattern suitable for men's nightwear? – then shuffled out in to the corridor.

The ward housed twenty-four young men in various states of repair. Most of them were there due to misadventures with motor vehicles, a couple as the result of disease process; all of them were civilians, except for Severus. Well, he supposed he was a civilian now by default but he still mentally set himself apart from the rest. None of them had been under fire; none of them had seen action in a war zone. 

Except… the Falklands couldn't be dignified as a _war_ , could it? The fighting had been over in a matter of weeks – it'd merely been a conflict. Severus' lip curled: he hated the government's down-selling of the action. The Falklands may not have dragged on as long as the great and glorious World Wars but for fuck's sake, there'd still been deaths, there'd still been casualties! 

"Oh, now there's a face that'd curdle milk."

Severus glared at the man perched casually on a lounge chair then deliberately pushed his anger aside, smoothing out his expression to one – perhaps – less aggressive.

"You all right?" Remus asked. "Do you need some pain relief?"  
"No. I'm just in a bit of a mood."

The nurse's eyebrows rose to his hairline.

"That's just a mood? I'd hate to see you in a real snit!"

It'd taken time to get used to Remus' teasing, but in the weeks of their acquaintance Severus had come to welcome it. Remus never took it too far, he knew when to back off and it provided a lightness that Severus sorely needed. He was even able to reciprocate now, regaining his dry sense of humour. He hadn't realised how much of himself he'd repressed until given the chance to behave like a normal human being and not an invalid, or a soldier.

"Tea's there." Remus indicated the coffee table and the open packet of cigarettes. "Help yourself."

Severus grunted his thanks and one-handedly - of course – shook out a cigarette and stuck it between his lips. He lit it, using the lighter left next to the packet, and drew the smoke deep in to his lungs with a sense of satisfaction. Remus had made no effort at all to help, which was just as well as the whole purpose of Severus' stay here in rehabilitation was to train him to look after himself.

They sat in silence, smoking and drinking their teas. Severus liked being in the recreation room at night when it was quiet and only half-lit: he liked being here with Remus. The nurse was an undemanding companion, not one of those who felt the need to fill lulls in conversation with inane chatter. Severus caught himself staring at the wink of light reflecting from the single gold stud in Remus' right ear. 'A sure sign of a fairy…' his Da would've said which, in this case, Severus knew was the truth…

In his first few days here, after being transferred from the military hospital, Severus had been tetchy with pain. Remus had been on day-shift at the time and while coaxing his irascible patient to cooperate had had to bear the brunt of Severus' ill humour. 

"Get yer hands off me, you fuckin' poof!"

"There's no need for that sort of language." Remus had remonstrated mildly.  
"A _male nurse_." Severus sneered. "Only poofs become nurses. You are, aren't you? A poof?"  
"That depends." Remus said. "Are you going to get a bunch of your butch mates to beat me up if I say 'yes'?"  
"… What mates?" Severus had growled, realising too late he'd been skilfully steered off-subject.  
"Oh I don't know. Even-tempered chap like yourself is bound to have loads of friends."

That was definitely sarcasm and Severus was oddly relieved. For once he wasn't being jollied along by someone straining to be 'understanding'.

"No. I don't have any 'mates'." He huffed, though it was more for show now than actual irritation. "So, are you a poof or what?"  
Remus assumed a superior look.  
"At the risk of promoting the stereotype, yes, I am a flaming queer. Satisfied?"  
Severus eyed him.  
"You don't look 'flaming'. Apart from the girly jewellery."  
Remus had smirked, reaching up to finger the stud.  
"This little thing? You ain't seen nothing yet." Before Severus could gather his thoughts about that intriguing statement, Remus had shot back at him: "What about you, then? Are you a poof?"  
"There are no poofs in Her Majesty's Army." Severus was haughty.  
"You're not in the army now, sunshine." 

Remus waggled his eyebrows and for a moment Severus was alarmed - _did he know? Could he tell?_ \- before he realised he was being teased. Once again he found himself floundering, not sure how to react – and then the nurse changed the subject _again_.

"You're looking a bit shaggy there." He was nodding at Severus' hair, which was definitely not regulation by now. "Shall I get a barber in?"  
"Don't bother." Severus assumed an expression so bland it had to be suspicious. "As you said, I'm not in the army any more."

There. It wasn't an outright admission – Severus had been clutching that secret for too long to just let it go – but let bloody Nurse Lupin make of it what he would. And he'd made something out of it, obviously, given the wide, warming smile he'd bestowed on his edgy patient. 

Remus hadn't said a word though, not then or ever, but Severus had observed the subtle differences in Lupin's interactions with him and the other, presumably straight patients. For instance, did anyone else on the ward know that Remus had pierced nipples? Severus couldn't even remember how it'd come up in conversation but once, during what had become their regular chats in the telly room when Lupin was rostered on nights, the nurse had revealed his own little shocker.

"This isn't very professional." He'd said, glancing cautiously about before hoiking up his white uniform top. "But here you go…"  
" _Oh my god_ …" 

Severus could only stare. Body piercing was one of those vaguely taboo subjects - he'd heard about such things but never seen it before. At the turn of the century it'd been associated with perversion, most recently with punks, and it still carried an aura of dark mystique, of deviancy. 

Severus swallowed convulsively, his mouth literally watering. He'd never wanted to get his lips around something so much as those plump little nubs speared through with gold. Christ, he could almost feel them on his tongue.

"… Didn't that hurt?" Was the only thing he could think to say.  
Remus had laughed.  
"Yes!" Then his voice had dropped and his light brown eyes had sparkled. "But it was definitely worth it."

The conversation had ended then when the sounds of someone moving about in the corridor had Remus scrambling to pull his uniform back down. He'd winked broadly at his flustered companion but they were both sitting quietly and composed when the matron had stridden in to chase Severus back to bed… 

"You're not going to be with us for much longer." Remus' voice pulled him back to the present. "What are you going to do with yourself?"  
"Dunno." Severus stubbed out his cigarette. "Thought I might use my pension to drink myself in to an early grave."  
Remus snorted.  
"What a waste! You're smart, why don't you go back to study?"  
"Study what?"  
The nurse shrugged.  
"What were you interested in at school?"

What _hadn't_ he been interested in – aside from sport? Maths, English, Sciences, History… It'd all been there for his agile brain, a wealth of possibilities.

"I almost went to University." Severus mused.  
"What stopped you?"  
"My Da convinced me otherwise." 

What the old cunt had actually said was things like, ' _over my dead body_ ', and ' _getting above yourself_ ', and ' _only faggots mess about with more schooling when they could be getting real jobs…_ ' Good working class moral lessons there, thanks, Da, y'bastard.

"Do you regret it?" Remus asked.  
Severus contemplated the stump of his right arm.  
"Aye. I ran off to join the army, didn't I?" He slowly stretched out the fingers on his remaining hand. They were still stiff but markedly improved from the clenching claws they'd originally been. Tendon damage was slow to heal. "What about you? Did you disappoint your family?"  
"I've more bemused them, I think." Remus grinned. "For years when I was saying I wanted to be a nurse they assumed I really meant I wanted to be a doctor."  
"Boys don't become nurses." Severus intoned with a smirk.  
"Exactly!" Remus chuckled. "The looks on my parents' faces when I announced I'd signed up for Nursing college… My Mum was the worst. 'Are you sure you don't want to be a doctor, Remus?'" He shook his head, still smiling. "' _Mum,' I said, 'It's 1978. If a girl can be an engineer then I can be a nurse_.' Odd pair of birds, my parents, I think they're still trying to work out what they'd done wrong to produce a queer son. Doesn't matter that my brother and sister are bracingly heterosexual and my sister at least has already given them a couple of grandchildren..."  
"Why did you want to be a nurse?" It was a question Severus had been itching to ask for weeks but hadn't felt he had the right, not after using Remus' profession to insult him.  
"I was very sick as a child. Asthma. I spent a lot of time in hospital and the nurses were just wonderful. I remember thinking, 'that's what I want to do. I want to help sick people get better.'" Remus glanced almost shyly at his companion. "Bit wet, eh?"  
"Positively dripping. Hang on while I get a towel." Remus' burst of laughter brought a genuine, involuntary smile to Severus' face. It shouldn't feel this good to make someone laugh, surely? "Do you think you'll always be a nurse?"  
"Don't know. Burnout's a real problem." He lit another cigarette. "I'd like to do midwifery, though."  
Severus snorted.  
"I can't imagine many women would want a male nurse peering at their bits."  
"I attended a couple of births in my training, and trust me, by that stage the woman doesn't give a fuck who's there!" 

His throaty laugh morphed into a wracking cough that sent him purple-faced and watery eyed. Severus watched in alarm, not sure if he should be doing something. 

" _Ow_." Remus rasped at last, thumping himself on the chest. He glared at his cigarette. "My doctor's been on at me to give these up."  
"By the sounds of it he's right. Tell you what, you give up – I'll give up."  
"Why do you have to stop smoking?"  
"I've got to save my money for alcohol."  
Remus chuckled, but lightly, careful not to set himself off again.  
"Oh that's right, the drinking yourself to death thing."  
"Ambition is nothing without sacrifice." Severus was mockingly pious.  
"Wanker." Remus grinned. He squinted at him through the cigarette smoke. "You're serious."  
"I am." 

Severus, who'd made the suggestion as a sort of joke on the spur of the moment, was mildly surprised to discover he _was_ serious. There was evidence enough that the habit was harmful, even if he hadn't grown up watching half his family succumb to various related diseases. 

"Better enjoy this one then, if it's my last." Remus said cheerfully.

Severus watched him draw deeply on the cigarette and felt an answering urge to light up again. He set his jaw and clenched his – solitary - fist. Dammit. No, he'd make it through more than two bloody minutes!  
Remus finished his cigarette – with unnecessary relish, Severus thought – then drained his tea.

"It'll be caffeine next." He said.  
" _Never_." Severus was fervent.  
Remus laughed again, wincing as it sparked another fit of coughing. He swore softly and pulled out his inhaler.  
"'scuse me." 

Severus shrugged and averted his eyes while the nurse medicated himself. 

"Sorry 'bout that." Remus said after a moment, when his breathing had settled down. "Right. Let's get you sorted. You can't stay up all night, not if you've got an appointment with Butcher Murphy first thing tomorrow."

Severus shuddered. 'Butcher' Murphy was his personal bane, a physiotherapist who routinely discounted his patients' claims of being pushed too hard in their treatment. Give the man his due, though; unpleasant as his methods were he knew what he was about. Severus wasn't the only one on the ward who'd benefited from the bastard's zeal.

"How about a bath?" Remus suggested. "I'll wash your hair."

Immediately, Severus felt his balls tighten in anticipation.

"Yeah, why not?" 

He made himself sound resigned and when the nurse got up to lead the way, slouched after him with a semblance of reluctance that was a complete lie. It wasn't that he couldn't wash his hair by himself yet – he managed to do a half decent job when one of the other nurses offered – but being touched by Remus was a shameless indulgence, one he wouldn't be able to enjoy for much longer.

Remus gave him enough time alone to run the bath, get himself in and have a cursory wash. Severus was grateful for that: in the early days of his recovery he'd had no privacy at all, any time. Between pain and the nature of his injuries he'd been helpless but it'd been humiliating to have complete strangers monitoring – assisting – his bodily functions.

Severus sighed silently, relaxing as Remus' fingertips massaged his scalp, working in the cheap, hospital provided shampoo.

"You've definitely got somewhere to go when you're released?" The nurse asked.  
"Council flat. Furnished, apparently."  
"Any one to help you?"  
"No. Family's too far away. Not that any of them buggers'd stir themselves."  
"… Friends?"

There'd been one bloke in his unit, right smarmy git, a bit older than him but fatally attractive. They'd… he'd made time for Severus, more than happy to have him suck his cock whenever the opportunity arose. He hadn't reciprocated in any way and Severus hadn't seen hide nor hair of him since he'd been evacuated off those misbegotten rocky lumps of nothing in the South Atlantic Ocean. 

"Not so you'd notice."  
"Can I make a suggestion?"  
"Mm?" Severus tipped his head back as Remus carefully poured a jug full of warm rinse water over his head.  
"Get a pet, yeah? You've been institutionalised for months, and even unconsciously you'll be used to someone always being around. Get a bird." Remus chuckled. "Get a parrot. Teach it to be insulting."  
Severus snorted.  
"If the shrapnel had hit two inches further to the left I could've had an eye patch to go with the parrot an' all."  
"Bit lower down and you could've had a peg leg! _Voilá_ , instant pirate chic."  
"You're a nutter." But Severus was almost smiling: nurses had the most macabre senses of humour. 

They lapsed into silence as Remus washed his hair a second time. Severus closed his eyes, in danger of drifting off now that he was relaxed. He focused on the sensation of Remus' fingertips, and of the water trailing through his hair, down his neck, over his chest and back. 

From there – and because it wasn't far from his mind at the moment – he imagined his squad mate's penis in his mouth. He'd been a novice cock-sucker when he'd first joined up, but Malfoy had made sure he'd got a lot of experience and by Christ he'd loved it. If he'd had any doubts about his sexuality that'd soon sorted him out.

"Severus…"

He blinked out of his half doze to the realisation that a: Remus looked a little flushed, and b: he, Severus, was sporting an impressive erection.

_Ah, shit_. He'd managed to avoid this particular inconvenience so far.

Remus squeezed his shoulder briefly.

"Wait right here." He said, sounding huskier than usual. Before Severus could decide how he was going to react, Remus had returned. 

The nurse offered him a small, plastic tube. Severus stared at it stupidly. _Hand-care cream_. The implication was…?

"Life's not worth living if you can't have a wank." Remus cleared his throat. "I'll, um, leave you to it." 

Alone in a bath of cooling water it only took a moment for Severus to wrestle down his mortification and grasp the opportunity, so to speak. When was the last time he'd had a proper wank? Lack of privacy, a squeaky bed and a damaged hand – his off-hand at that – hadn't been a happy combination. 

It took some concentration but by holding the tube against his chest with the stump of his forearm, Severus managed to fumble the cap off and squeeze a messy dollop of cream on to his palm. The stuff wasn't the best – bit sticky, too floral – but it felt damn good being smoothed over his penis. He leant back, braced his feet against the enamel and got to work. 

His hand threatened to cramp almost from the start but fortunately he'd been halfway there to begin with and all it took was picturing a shirtless Remus straddling his hips and bringing a nipple within range of his mouth…

His groan as he came echoed around the bathroom but he didn't care if it could've been heard out by the nurses' station. _So fucking good!_ A man really shouldn't leave himself go that long. 

Remus wasn't exactly lurking when Severus left the bathroom but he'd found something to do in the vicinity.

"All right?" he murmured.  
"Better. Thanks." Severus went to hand back the tube but Remus waved him off.  
"Nah, keep it. You never know when, um, you might get another opportunity…"  
Severus smirked, enjoying the nurse's awkwardness.  
"Better get something proper for the job when I leave, then. Looking forward to the privacy of my own place."  
Remus grinned.  
"Well and good. We don't want you readmitted with friction burns." He cocked his head to one side. "Sleep now?"  
"Oh, yes."  
"Good. Need anything before you trot off?" He smiled as Severus yawned and shook his head simultaneously. "Sweet dreams. See you in the morning…"

...oOo...

Several days later, at 7 a.m., Severus was sitting on his bed waiting for breakfast, or for the doctor to come 'round and give him the all clear to go home – either one would do. He was fully dressed; his kit bag packed; his bedside locker emptied of the surprising amount of stuff he'd managed to accumulate during his stay. 

He was twitchy with the need for a cigarette, which didn't help his nerves. He could admit to being a little nervous about leaving the hospital, but only a little. The liaison officer assigned to him had been very helpful, organising a visit to his new flat so he'd have some idea of what to expect. 

Severus had been pleasantly surprised. The flat was quite small, not flash by any means, but for a start it's one bedroom was twice as big as his room in his parent's house. The bed was adequate, the couch wasn't an eyesore and the television worked. Yeah, he reckoned he could make do there.

"Morning, Sev."  
Severus frowned: Lupin knew perfectly well he didn't like having his name shortened.  
"What are you doing here?" 

A quirk of rostering had Remus' day-off coinciding with Severus' last night on the ward. He'd been disappointed but philosophical, sort of, managing to not be any grumpier than usual with the other nurses.

"Oh, well I was – "  
"Remus!" That was Madeleine, who'd worked last night and should've been getting ready for the hand-over. She and Remus got on particularly well, Severus knew. "What are you doing here – ?" She spotted Severus and a look part-way between smug and soft settled on her features. "Ah. Of course."  
"Hi, Maddie. Good shift?" 

Was it Severus' imagination or did Remus just loudly and pointedly cut across his friend? 

"No more aggravating than usual." Madeleine quirked an eyebrow in the direction of their mutual patient. "Do anything exciting last night?"  
"Not really. Watched some telly. Tried to sleep."  
Madeleine winced.  
"Oh yes, you're swapping over to the day roster next week, aren't you? God, I hate that…"

This was all very interesting but Severus wanted to know why Remus had come in to work when he didn't have to. He coughed and shifted about on the bed just enough to make it squeak. Madeleine glanced at him and smiled.

"Why don't you and Remus go down to the telly room? I'll let you know when the doctor arrives."  
"Cheers, Maddie. Any chance of some tea?" Remus called after her as she walked away.  
"Get it yourself, you lazy bugger!"  
Remus laughed then turned to Severus, jerking his head towards the corridor.  
"Shall we?"

It felt odd to be sitting in there and not smoking. Severus watched Remus fiddling with his fingers and knew exactly how he felt. He retrieved a packet of peppermint chewing gum from his kit bag and offered it to the nurse.

"It helps. A bit."  
"Ta." 

Remus unwrapped the stick of gum then popped it in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. He was out of uniform in jeans, brown leather bomber jacket and trainers. The jacket was open revealing a lilac coloured cotton top. It seemed fairly thin, given that Severus thought he could see a nipple standing prominent. He licked his lips and looked past Remus to the grey skyline outside the window. 

"Going to miss us?" Remus asked.  
"Not the food." Severus replied, eliciting a chuckle.  
"No. Not that." Remus held out the carrier bag he'd brought with him. "Housewarming present."  
"Thanks!" Severus was absurdly pleased, the warmth of his pleasure rising up to stain his bony cheeks. 

He opened the bag and looked inside: a packet of specialty tea, two big bars of chocolate, a half-size bottle of whisky and a sizeable tube of a well-know brand of personal lubricant. Severus smirked. 

"Thanks, indeed."  
"My pleasure. Oh and there's this…" Remus handed him a slip of paper. "It's my phone number. I thought we could go out for a drink or something." He scrubbed a hand through his hair. "If you want."  
"Why?" Severus blurted. "I mean, I do, yes, thanks, but why me?" With the stump of his arm he indicated his scarred and pitted face. "I'm no oil painting."  
"What's that got to do with anything?" Remus seemed genuinely baffled. He leant forward and lowered his voice. "I _like_ you. Bad-tempered, sarcastic, autocratic bullying bastard that you are."  
"Well now I feel completely reassured." Severus rolled his eyes.  
"The thing is…" Remus spoke even more quietly, forcing Severus to lean towards him. "Mate, I've seen your cock. I really want you to call me."

Severus blinked: had he just been complimented on his penis? Though in all modesty he had to agree that it was something to be proud of. 

"Sex, then, is it?" Where he found the breath to utter the words he didn't know.  
"In part, definitely." Remus grinned. "You're not my patient now. I won't have to leave the room if you get a stiffie."  
"And is that likely to happen?" Severus sounded… arch to his own ears. Good God, he was flirting. With a man!  
"Getting a stiffie? Absolutely - if I have any say in the matter." Remus affirmed. "It's only been professional ethics that's stopped me from jumping you. So… yeah?"  
"…Yeah." Severus half-smiled, wondering at his audacity. 

He did want this, he did want Remus. Maybe it wouldn't work out – his track record with relationships of all types was rubbish – but he couldn't let the fear of that keep him back. He was his own man now, beholden to no one, and it was time to get on with his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Personal headcanon: Remus is a size queen.


End file.
